It's 10:12 am New Years Day and I am lying down on my bed under the covers, rifling through the highlights and setbacks of last year. A mild headache buzzes...residual effects of the cheap champagne I had last night. I didn't do anything wild or crazy. My New Year's Eve was quite reserved and comfortable...spending it with a few of my closest friends and the most lovable furball I know (Bindi.) We played drinking card games, watched the ball drop on Dick Clark's Rockin Eve and rang in the New Year laughing hysterically. I don't laugh often, probably because I think too much, but it felt great. (I am convinced that the more intelligent you are the harder it is to 'laugh'...or maybe I'm just trying to justify being a bitter bugger most of the time =)
Diving underneath the superficial layer of murkiness I feel after a night of drinking, reside pools of thoughts I want to share with you all today. The first half of 2009 was an extremely dark time for me, filled with mistakes and setbacks. Those who have been following my blog before I started blogging here at Poker Curious, will probably remember the infrequency of my postings and the depressing undertones a lot of my blogs carried early on in the year. But I shared my personal struggles as best I could, hoping someone somewhere could relate, and perhaps find strength and inspiration through my experiences....or just simple comfort, knowing they are not alone in their mistakes. A Poker lifestyle can be extremely solitary, and one of the deepest motivations I find to blog, is the hope that I am connecting with people who are sharing the same obstacles as me.
As humans, we regularly feel 'alone', 'misunderstood', and 'conflicted'. I know I do.
My remedy is to reach out to you, whoever and wherever you may be.
So here is some insight...take what you can, and set sail into the seas of 2010 with direction, stability, and a sense of wondrous adventure.
*I have learned that ANYONE can be successful at poker, if they have the proper combination of patience, discipline and commitment to improve.
* I have learned that if you respect your bankroll, in turn it will respect you.
* I have learned that if we spend our days comparing ourselves to the success of others, we move farther away from ever achieving that success ourselves.
* I have learned that during slumps, it is very easy to lose confidence in one's abilities and succumb to the negative voices from within.
* I have better learned how to turn off those negative voices.
* I have learned that making a living at online poker is extremely difficult, and a challenge that my competitive spirit continues to warmly accept.
* I have learned that you can make close ties with people all across the world, without ever seeing them or hearing their voice...people I will always call my friends.
* I have learned that my vocabulary has dropped to that of an 8th grader with the uses of yik, jamot, tid, gtfo, gg, wp, mbsfn, hid, roflcopter, and of course fml! ;)
* I have learned that it is easy to lose oneself in the illusory security money offers, if one doesn't remember that true security and happiness lies in human bonds, and peace within oneself.
*I have learned that I have fewer friends than I thought I had...and that its ok...cuz the ones i have are genuine, loving and caring...
*I have learned that results in poker matter little.. compared to our isolated decisions in each moment... on and off the felt...
*I have learned that I am not a reflection of the way others treat me; that I am beautiful and precious in my own right...We ALL Are.
I begin 2010 with restless excitement.
A fresh start...a tabula rasa.
My New Year's Resolutions are Simple.
-To be a Better Person
-To continue to find a healthy balance between poker and Life.
-To Live IN the Moment
-Oh yea, and to laugh a little more :)
Wishing you all the Merriest and Berriest New Year Yet! xoxoxoxox